Lessons in Life

Two weeks in and this is what I have learnt so far:

Rookie mistake #1

If you smell a bad odour and ask your child “can I change your nappy?” and she shakes her head, LISTEN TO HER.

Rookie mistake #2

If you smell a bad odour and ask your child “can I change your nappy?” and she shakes her head and you ignore her and you find that flight 439 to poo-ville has not yet landed, as expected, but is still in mid-flight, replace the nappy immediately and return your child to the upright position. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to remove the nappy. Therapy is expensive.

Rookie mistake #3

Nappy rash is not fatal. You do not need to dial the emergency services, call the National Health Service advice line, visit the out of hours medical centre, consult your GP and purchase the entire contents of the baby section of the pharmacy. One of the above will do.

Rookie mistake # 4

You CANNOT just pop into a shop, holding her hand. You must, at all times, have a restraining device such as a stroller, a shopping trolley seat, or a lion cage purchased second hand from a circus and preferably on wheels that you can drag through the store. In this way you will not have to have a conversation with a sales assistant about the merits of various brands of soap powder in aisle 5 with one foot pressed firmly on the chest of your squirming daughter or with her clamped between your ankles while she alternately screams and giggles.

But the learning is not all one sided here. We are teaching each other things. Mummy is teaching Anna to count to ten and Anna is teaching mummy to count to ten before she screams …

And then she gives me a sloppy little open-mouthed kiss and suddenly it’s all worth it.

:)