The Deed is Done!

The Audi pulls up to the church. The driver gets out and pulls the top of the car down. The photographer comes around to the passenger side. “Where is your fiancé?” he asks in confusion. “I dunno” I say, peering around the church yard from my position in the car. “He’s around here somewhere”. How the bloody hell should I know where he is, I arrived last. I am, after all, the bride.

And then the Drudester comes striding around the corner looking gorgeous in a grey suit and open-necked white shirt and sunnies. He takes my hand, tells me I look stunning and leads me towards the churchyard.

“I have good news and bad news babe” he says. “The bad news is that I showed the celebrant the beautiful ceremony that you spent ages writing and put your heart and soul into. And he can’t read English. So we can’t use it”. I’m disappointed but I suck it up. No point crying over spilt milk or illiterate Greek wedding celebrants.

“But the good news” says the Drudester excitedly, leading me past the church yard “is that I’ve moved everything up to the top of the mountain – we’re gonna have the ceremony up there!!!”.

Oh goody.

I point out to the Drudester that getting to the top of the mountain will be somewhat difficult, given that I am wearing a tight-fitting pencil dress made of shot silk. And that I am also wearing 6-inch stilettos. And that the photographer has a broken leg.

But the celebrant, the table, the cake, the flowers, everything and everyone is basically up on top of the mountain. So I have 2 choices – throw a massive tanty and demand that everything be brought down. Or climb.

It’s a tough call, but I opt for the latter.

So we schlep to the top of the mountain and meet the celebrant. He appears to have stepped of the set of a 70’s sitcom. He’s wearing a white suit and pointy white shoes and his hair has been especially greased for the occasion. He takes his documents from a briefcase that looks exactly like the one your dad used to take to work when you were 5.

He unites Unroo and Shway in holy matrimony in a ceremony neither of us understands, because it is in Greek and some strange language occasionally resembling English. It goes as follows:

“The marriage that joins you, obligates your chances to be the same and your life to be faced on equal base of the matters which will appear in your common life as husband and wife and generally in all difficulties in life”.

Eh?

The Drudester and I say “I do” at what we think are the appropriate moments.
And that’s it.
We’re married!!!!